First.

If you’re anything like me, the decision to share something you’ve written is so hard.  Its like sharing a piece of yourself with everyone and no one and sometimes, it falls flat. Other times, it brings you joy to have shared. You think “Will it seem silly or stupid?”, “Am I sharing too much?”, “Have I really thought this through?” and then you proceed to think it through and that turns somehow into never sharing because taking risks and putting yourself out there really isn’t your forte.

But then writing and never sharing seems cowardly too. Having been such a coward for so long, I have to make a conscious effort to step out of my comfort zone.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:4 that

“Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest?” [NLT]

“Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox”[KJV]

So, sometimes  you have to ask yourself, as I have, what do you want?

A clean stable? – No criticisms, no mistakes or increase and growth?

The choice is yours.

Since life is putting me on a writing hiatus, I decided to share something already written a while ago.

First

So what if I will always remember you
Maybe even always love you
But I’ll love me more
I’ll cherish myself enough to stop
I’ll take a deep breath and finally step back
I will stop hoping
I’ll stop seeing and thinking
Of you
Of us
I will only know me and what I need
I’ll learn new things
Starting with being selfish
I’ll think of me first
Consider my own feelings
My own emotions
Put them before yours
Maybe you’ll always matter
I damn well hope not
Maybe I’ll always love you
But I’ll fight it so I don’t
But one thing will always be true
I’ll always love me
I will finally learn
I come first.

First by Ess
If you like this enough to want it to-go, a JPG version 🙂

To sharing,

Ess 🙂

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8 thoughts on “First.

  1. self love. love me first. for some, it is so I can love you more seeing as I already love myself. here, it is a defense mechanism. does it work? yea, till the next call. the truth in the poem, and the courage to share a piece of you is quite good knowing how you’re about things like this.
    the tone though. the tone. I read it as someone who has decided to stop fighting and has decided to accept things as is. to go with the flow in the search for equilibrium. Very kung-fu.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading 😊.
      Does it work? Well, we’ll have to find out.
      Learning a thing or two about courage these days though. Looking forward to learning more.

      Like

  2. Just got network strong enough to come to this page. But i saw Dapo’s update earlier. I must say: good idea to put it out. As already pointed out, the line you always like to be clear will be blurred now and again. Hopefully, everytime that happens, twill be worth it. I am sure the words penned here will resonate with more tham one person. Especially those who understand we will not always be with that one person; sometimes for positive reasons, sometimes for the negative. But reasons abound. That said, kudos to the strength summoned to give us peek into the inside. You can only get stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Here is to finding the will to share, and to finding the insight to write more beautiful poems like the one I just read. 🍷

    Like

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